Now and later...

Now... I'm seriously injured and upset. How I wish I could cry as loud as I could. Tears are rolling in my eyes. But I couldn't as someone is with me. I just don't want to show them my sadness and make them worry of me. I just want everyone know that I'm happy. It's such a difficult assignment esp most of the time I'm emotionally imbalance. I know sometimes my happiness and smile is so fake but I just couldn't bear with it. That's the best one I could provide at that point of time.

I really do not understand why my relationship could become a topic to those PAT PO!!!! Mind ur words PAT PO. My patience is at the top limit now. NONE of anyone's business bout me and J. NOTHING for u to PAT!!~~~

Later... I don't know what would happen to me. I don't know... How I wish I don't need to think and care...

GOSH!!!

OH GOSH!!!

I had night mare last night. Dreamed that J dumped me away and all his relatives knew bout it and laughed at me. SHIT!!!! Woke up with a mixed feeling....

Now, everything is not running smooth... so stressed up....

My apartment is giving me hell lots of problems.... 1st, water supply still not yet connected due to the FXXKing Management/Maintenance's fault. 2nd, electricity supply also not yet done due to the LAWYER's fault... 3rd, now d stupid lawyer is asking me pay MORE????!!!!! My wallet also shrinked and so dry up.... stop squeezing me la!!!!!

Another one also, when J and mine issue gonna be settled???? This guy doesn't even intended to settle things up.... HAiiizzzz....

Also, my finger.... got 2 insect bites.... swollen like sausage... itchy all the time.... turned black and red sometimes.... already applied oilment still not subside.... what am I gonna to do with it????

Why is my life so difficult????

Getting married???

Yeah... FAMOUS quote and topic to every couple... whenever we meet someone/friends, just can't stop asking this question.

A lot of people asking me this question too. I would try my best to control my tear and tell them wait till I find another bf.

A church friend was making some fun coz she couldn't believe it. She said I just look happy and like usual. I told her that I just couldn't cry and cry esp at church just to tell everyone I already broke up with my bf. She said funnily: Make sure you don't hide and cry when you are at home, and look happy when in front of us ah.

Anyway, thanks to those who care and support me. Thanks so much. I know you guys want me to be happy. I'm trying my VERY BEST to be happy. I will be happy go lucky!!! I'm sure I can...

I'm just too silly...

OMG... my heart was just like being cut by a sharp knife and I was like slapped so hard that I felt dizzy... when I saw J's photo just now with a sexy lady hugging him tight... are they couple or just friends????? No matter how, I still felt so damn hurt.

We have not broke up OFFICIALLY, despite of waiting for weeks for his call to discuss and talk. Week by week he just came out with different excuses (which could be true) and we just didn't get the chance to speak.

I thought I could let go easily. I thought I'm alright. Till yesterday night, I broke into tearssssss when I listened to some songs that we used to listen together. All those memories just came back into my mind. So fresh that I could remember what happened to our every Valentine's day. So fresh that as if just happened not long ago. Oh GOSH!!!!! Why am I so silly to be sad and hurt for someone that I could not rely at all???????? Why can't I just forget about everything easily??? Why can't I just turn to be forgetful????

Oh... how I wish I could sleep forever without need to wake up to be sad for this???? It's just too many WHY in my mind that I couldn't get any answer.

God, give me a pill that can rip my memory off. It's just too hard for me.

I cannot differentiate....

Yes... I cannot differentiate when is J telling truth, when he is not...

All because that I have lost confidence on him...

I was clearing some stuffs just now and I found the last card that he gave to me. It was Valentine's Card. He told me he loves and misses me very much... Was him telling the truth????? Seriously... I don't know...

I'm so scared to think... so fear to know... SIGH!~~