Hmmm....

Hmmmm...

Supposed to feel better after keeping myself busy like hell... trying so much to keep myself occupied with piles of works when I was at work, busy with house chores and reading and surfing while at home. Other time I would shopping, watching movies with family and friends, accompanying my parents watching TV, and bla bla bla.... sometimes doing something that I wasn't related too as well....

The more I think, the more I stressed up. Of course, I'm really stressed up now... I don't know what to do to the extent that I don't feel like wanna continue my live anymore. If I lost J, it's totally meaningless to live on.

I know God must be really disappointed with me. I never give up myself. Never ever no matter how difficult and tough situation. This is the only time that even I myself feel that I myself totally not alright at all. The only reason is J is too important to me. Without him, Clarice would no longer be Clarice.

Oh God, please help me. I need help and support desperately. I have never been so restless and helpless before. I love J so much that I couldn't afford losing him in my life. I felt so miserable and lost. I am not happy at all. Not even a single moment. Please help me God with whatever means. Please bless J and me a happy and blissful relationship. Amen...