Thursday, August 28, 2008
Sorry?????
Yesterday was our 3yr anniversary. I received the below text reply from J after I sent him another text before I went to bed. "I am sorry. I don't mean for things to be like this. Maybe we should speak this weekend." I saw the text when I woke up at 3am. From then, I couldn't get back to my sleep. Dreamed of J telling me for break up etc etc.
Sorry for what? For not loving me? For having someone else? For not wishing me happy anniversary? FOR WHAT???
I got the feeling I had been fooled. Been putting my 101% trust on love. Now, I'm left behind with broken into piecessssss heart. So damn hurt. And he just escaped himself off me by not answering my calls and textsss. Is this what he should do???????
What do u want to tell me? Telling me again that you are still not sure of your feeling to me?????? Not sure after 3 years????
Please come with a sharp knife and kill me off, better than I suffered and tortured in this manner.
So hate of myself. Y am I kind of emotional person? Y am I just can't let go??? YYYYYY??????? Y am I need to dream of J every night when I goes to bed?????? WHHHYYYYY????
Seriously, come to end my life. Stop torturing me!!!!
Sorry for what? For not loving me? For having someone else? For not wishing me happy anniversary? FOR WHAT???
I got the feeling I had been fooled. Been putting my 101% trust on love. Now, I'm left behind with broken into piecessssss heart. So damn hurt. And he just escaped himself off me by not answering my calls and textsss. Is this what he should do???????
What do u want to tell me? Telling me again that you are still not sure of your feeling to me?????? Not sure after 3 years????
Please come with a sharp knife and kill me off, better than I suffered and tortured in this manner.
So hate of myself. Y am I kind of emotional person? Y am I just can't let go??? YYYYYY??????? Y am I need to dream of J every night when I goes to bed?????? WHHHYYYYY????
Seriously, come to end my life. Stop torturing me!!!!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Without maid : Day 2
Tougher day...
My uncle just back from outstation. So, as per expected, was busier in the morning with office work. Luckily, my aunty helped to check on the little monster's homework. At least I still could survive.
Lunch. We ended up in super simple lunch. Rice with egg, one leftover dish from my mum and also vege soup. Really too rush to cook while working. My maid used to cook lunch for us. Else, she would help me to prepare all the ingredients and I just quickly cooked them. Now, from preparing to cooking to washing, all by myself. Bit hectic...
As usual, washing, hanging, collecting and folding clothes.
I'm quite tired now. What to do?
Need to schedule myself to spare some time to clean up office tomorrow.
Lunch. We ended up in super simple lunch. Rice with egg, one leftover dish from my mum and also vege soup. Really too rush to cook while working. My maid used to cook lunch for us. Else, she would help me to prepare all the ingredients and I just quickly cooked them. Now, from preparing to cooking to washing, all by myself. Bit hectic...
As usual, washing, hanging, collecting and folding clothes.
I'm quite tired now. What to do?
Need to schedule myself to spare some time to clean up office tomorrow.
Without maid : Day 1 26-Aug
Overall, it was not as bad as we think without maid at home.
For lunch, we all compromised for instant noodle while I opted for my mum's fried noodle which was supposed to be my breakfast.
We actually spent quite a bit of time clearing bits and pieces left over everywhere by my maid. In addition, quite a bit of time too on washing. At first, my aunty washed the clothes using the auto washing machine. Unfortunately, half way thru the washing, it broke down and cut off our electric supply too. At the end, we need to use the semi-auto washing machine to finish the washing job.
The rest of the time, as usual, busying eyeing on the little monster and also his homework. sigh... toughest job as he just couldn't concentrate and discipline himself doing his work.
Not really bad day...
We actually spent quite a bit of time clearing bits and pieces left over everywhere by my maid. In addition, quite a bit of time too on washing. At first, my aunty washed the clothes using the auto washing machine. Unfortunately, half way thru the washing, it broke down and cut off our electric supply too. At the end, we need to use the semi-auto washing machine to finish the washing job.
The rest of the time, as usual, busying eyeing on the little monster and also his homework. sigh... toughest job as he just couldn't concentrate and discipline himself doing his work.
Not really bad day...
27-Aug-08
27-Aug-08 supposed to be a very very sweet and meaningful day to me. It is the 3yr anniversary of J and me. Now, the meaning of it is so vague that it's so unimportant and unmeaningful.
Anyway, I texted and greeted him happy anniversary as what I have been doing monthly for the past 36 months. I still took the initiative to text him as he is still very important to me and I am still having tiny hope on our relationship.
I also requested him to arrange a trip to KK so that we could actually sort and discuss our problems out personally face-to-face.
Hope things would be alright. I'm just too blur and moody today that I can't concentrate on my work or whatever I'm doing.
Dear God, please help us. Please bless us. We need your support. Amen.
Anyway, I texted and greeted him happy anniversary as what I have been doing monthly for the past 36 months. I still took the initiative to text him as he is still very important to me and I am still having tiny hope on our relationship.
I also requested him to arrange a trip to KK so that we could actually sort and discuss our problems out personally face-to-face.
Hope things would be alright. I'm just too blur and moody today that I can't concentrate on my work or whatever I'm doing.
Dear God, please help us. Please bless us. We need your support. Amen.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Oh... Stressed up...
Oh... yes... I'm stressed up again...
2 more days to go for me n J 3 yrs dating anniversary... Hmm... I don't think he would be remembering it anymore in our current situation. Even if he remembers, he won't be appreciating it as well.
I should actually relax myself and let go. Haiii... I just couldn't do it. Couldn't let everyone know that actually me and J are taking break which could end up permanent break. However, ppl are just too smart. Everyone starts to notice difference on me. Even "little monster" noticed that I have no longer put our photo as my wallpaper in my HP. I just didn't want to think of J. The more I think of him, I felt the pain is deeper in me, I just don't want to cry everyday.
How could I manage this well? I'm dreaming of J these few nights. He just came into my dream as playing a role as my bf. Haiiii....
How could I not stressed up in this situation?????
I should actually relax myself and let go. Haiii... I just couldn't do it. Couldn't let everyone know that actually me and J are taking break which could end up permanent break. However, ppl are just too smart. Everyone starts to notice difference on me. Even "little monster" noticed that I have no longer put our photo as my wallpaper in my HP. I just didn't want to think of J. The more I think of him, I felt the pain is deeper in me, I just don't want to cry everyday.
How could I manage this well? I'm dreaming of J these few nights. He just came into my dream as playing a role as my bf. Haiiii....
How could I not stressed up in this situation?????
My maid is going home today...
Finally, today is the day my maid going home for holiday, after we bought her ticket fr KK to Jakarta 2 months ago. She is going back to Jakarta for her fasting and also Malay New Year (Hari Raya).
Gosh... hope we can cope well for these coming 2 months without maid... clothes washing, house chores, cooking, car washing, watering plant etc etc...
Some more, the baby J is coming middle of next month. Hope we can really cope well without exhausting ourselves out... :P
Gosh... hope we can cope well for these coming 2 months without maid... clothes washing, house chores, cooking, car washing, watering plant etc etc...
Some more, the baby J is coming middle of next month. Hope we can really cope well without exhausting ourselves out... :P
Friday, August 22, 2008
Sigh...
I'm in bad day AGAIN...
Believe it or not? I could feel 4th ulcer sprouting out on my tongue tip. OMG... it's so damn painful... sigh...
Believe it or not? My pc need to be admitted into hospital AGAIN... Dunno what happened to it that when I on my cpu, it just couldn't send signal to my LCD monitor. My LCD monitor kept on displaying check signal cable. I thought it was cable problem, so I unplugged and plugged in many timesssss.... interchanged the cable... still cannot... then, tried to blow the cable head thinking it maybe caused by dust... still cannot... then my cousin suggested me to try on another monitor (just in case it was really my cable or LCD monitor problem)... tried so hard just to unplugged my bro's monitor to test on mine as my bro installed too many unnecessary dunno-wat-funky stuffs here and there on his monitor. Finally, plugged my bro's monitor in... STILL BLANK!!!!!!!!! I knew I won't be that lucky...
Called YW... he told me either the display card was loose or dunno-wat-hardware got problem. Hmmm... then it must be the dunno-wat-hardware problem coz I got no display card if I was not mistaken...
Sigh... need to admit it into hospital on Monday. I'm hoping it was not any major problem. I'm now so drained out coz I need to spend quite a bit on the apartment. Haiiii....
Believe it or not? My pc need to be admitted into hospital AGAIN... Dunno what happened to it that when I on my cpu, it just couldn't send signal to my LCD monitor. My LCD monitor kept on displaying check signal cable. I thought it was cable problem, so I unplugged and plugged in many timesssss.... interchanged the cable... still cannot... then, tried to blow the cable head thinking it maybe caused by dust... still cannot... then my cousin suggested me to try on another monitor (just in case it was really my cable or LCD monitor problem)... tried so hard just to unplugged my bro's monitor to test on mine as my bro installed too many unnecessary dunno-wat-funky stuffs here and there on his monitor. Finally, plugged my bro's monitor in... STILL BLANK!!!!!!!!! I knew I won't be that lucky...
Called YW... he told me either the display card was loose or dunno-wat-hardware got problem. Hmmm... then it must be the dunno-wat-hardware problem coz I got no display card if I was not mistaken...
Sigh... need to admit it into hospital on Monday. I'm hoping it was not any major problem. I'm now so drained out coz I need to spend quite a bit on the apartment. Haiiii....
Bank Loan
Finally, my loan application is approved.
Finally, the officer came to my office with the offer letter for me to sign and accept.
Finally, the officer came to my office with the offer letter for me to sign and accept.
Just right before I signed, I found out that the approved interest rate is not the same as what the officer told me before. Everyone of us (my aunty and uncle) were getting loan from the same bank. So she was trying to get me the same rate but the KL office only approved -1.7%. Gik gi I.
Never mind... then only we found out the bank did not put me under the package of free movement charges. Alamak.
The officer kept apologizing and told me she would re-appeal for me for the free movement charges. She called after few hours that the bank couldn't offer me free movement charges as my loan amount is less than RM100K. However, she will appeal for me a better interest rate.
Anyway, gotta wait another week again...
Hopefully I could be offered better interest rate.
The officer kept apologizing and told me she would re-appeal for me for the free movement charges. She called after few hours that the bank couldn't offer me free movement charges as my loan amount is less than RM100K. However, she will appeal for me a better interest rate.
Anyway, gotta wait another week again...
Hopefully I could be offered better interest rate.
Lunch: yummy soup, lousy dishes
Just taken my lunch...
Bought some white radish, green radish and carrots yesterday to boil soup today with pork bones. The soup turned out to be very yummy.
However, my maid over-fried the fish and also the vege (kangkung) turned out to be too salty. It was so salty that my ulcers were so painful when I ate it, as if I was putting salt directly on my ulcers. ouuuucccchhhh....
So I ended up eating rice with soup. I had to cut the carrots into smaller pieces so that I didn't need to open my mouth too wide when I ate it and also easier for me to chew. Sound like old old woman ya... :P
Anyway, I love the soup.... so yummy...
Bought some white radish, green radish and carrots yesterday to boil soup today with pork bones. The soup turned out to be very yummy.
However, my maid over-fried the fish and also the vege (kangkung) turned out to be too salty. It was so salty that my ulcers were so painful when I ate it, as if I was putting salt directly on my ulcers. ouuuucccchhhh....
So I ended up eating rice with soup. I had to cut the carrots into smaller pieces so that I didn't need to open my mouth too wide when I ate it and also easier for me to chew. Sound like old old woman ya... :P
Anyway, I love the soup.... so yummy...
Baby's Name
Imagine if your son's name is :
- Cable
- Cactus
- Can
- Candid
- Canon
- Cash
- Chao (try adding a “s” behind)
- Chilli
- Chip
- Christmas
- Clever
- Cloud
- Cocoa
- Crane
- Crescent
- Cricket
- Cutter
- Curry?????????
Another funny one... the little monster in my uncle house is naming baby girl "SEPTEMBER" or "JUNE or JULY"...
HAHA...
16 Weeks of Maternity Leave in Singapore
It's really amazing to have 16 weeks of paid maternity leave in Singapore. Most companies in Malaysia only allow maximum up to 2 months = 8 weeks of maternity leave. My friend as a new comer to her company only enjoyed 4 weeks of maternity leave.
To me, I would of course prefer 16 weeks, but of course PAID leave... hehe... Could provide exclusive breastfeeding to my baby and do not have to worry of expressing milk problem in office, as what those mummies out there are experiencing now.
Anyway, it's still long way to go before I could have babiessss.... so maybe when it's my turn, Malaysia government also announcing 16 weeks or maybe more weeks maternity leave in the same time????!!! haha...
To me, I would of course prefer 16 weeks, but of course PAID leave... hehe... Could provide exclusive breastfeeding to my baby and do not have to worry of expressing milk problem in office, as what those mummies out there are experiencing now.
Anyway, it's still long way to go before I could have babiessss.... so maybe when it's my turn, Malaysia government also announcing 16 weeks or maybe more weeks maternity leave in the same time????!!! haha...
Ouucchhh!!!
Of course ouuuucccchhhh as loud as I could with 3THREE ulcers in my mouth now!!!! Not one, but THREE!!!
I myself also don't have any idea how these three ulcers sprouted out in the same time... sigh......
One on my left cheek position, one at the left bottom scissors position and one just on my upper lip...
The worst ulcers time I had becoz of the quantity THREE.
Couldn't open my mouth widely when eating and drinking as stretching of my cheek mulcer causes pain from all the three ulcers.
Wanna get this over soon... please....
I myself also don't have any idea how these three ulcers sprouted out in the same time... sigh......
One on my left cheek position, one at the left bottom scissors position and one just on my upper lip...
The worst ulcers time I had becoz of the quantity THREE.
Couldn't open my mouth widely when eating and drinking as stretching of my cheek mulcer causes pain from all the three ulcers.
Wanna get this over soon... please....
Monday, August 18, 2008
How to balance myself off?
I am totally lost... totally lost in the way that I don't know to control and balance myself well...
I am trying so so so and extremely hard to forget bout J. Believe me... It's terribly hard for me and I have been having super duper hard and tough time. I have been avoiding to go home as I have too much memory with J at my house, such as all the photos, stuffs that he bought for me etc etc etc
Everytime when I thought I could let go him or have forgotten him for bit more, he would come into my dreams. Those sweet dreams really pull me back into my sweet memory with him. How to let go or forget him????? Sigh!@!!!!
I am still trying my very best to get myself occupied till super duper tired and hoping I would have dreamless whole night sleep. Hai...
I am trying so so so and extremely hard to forget bout J. Believe me... It's terribly hard for me and I have been having super duper hard and tough time. I have been avoiding to go home as I have too much memory with J at my house, such as all the photos, stuffs that he bought for me etc etc etc
Everytime when I thought I could let go him or have forgotten him for bit more, he would come into my dreams. Those sweet dreams really pull me back into my sweet memory with him. How to let go or forget him????? Sigh!@!!!!
I am still trying my very best to get myself occupied till super duper tired and hoping I would have dreamless whole night sleep. Hai...
Baby is coming soon...
Yes... Baby Jelidiah (her temporary name) is coming to the world some time middle of next month. Anyway, she is not my baby. As soon as she is born, she will be sent to those government welfare department as she is "unwanted" by her parents for dunno-whatever reason.
My uncle and aunty whom have been looking for a baby girl to adopt would be adopting her into their family.
Looking forward to see and play with Baby Jelidiah... and of course before she joins us, we are busying preparing baby stuffs...
My uncle and aunty whom have been looking for a baby girl to adopt would be adopting her into their family.
Looking forward to see and play with Baby Jelidiah... and of course before she joins us, we are busying preparing baby stuffs...
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Saturday...
Nothing much special about today actually.
As usual, I was working half day. Was bit annoyed by the "little monster". He was so lazy and refused to do his homework properly. Was about to smack him hard hard. Luckily my aunty came to rescue me from being violent. Little monster got lectured by aunty and uncle for hours. I believed his mum is lecturing him now too... hehe...
Prepared hearty lunch after work. Cooked some gon lau mien, fried sausages and also dory fillet. yummy yummy... :P
We all then went to my apartment to collect the baby cot, baby stroller, baby car seat and some clothes which I need to sort out before donating them out. Got no idea how those people spending their money. The previous owner ran away leaving his baby's things in the apartment for me. I still got quite a bit of "rubbish" to clear out. sigh.... not to mention bout the rest...that idiot left over more than 10 pairs of shoes for me to think and find way to donate out. Anyway, the apartment is more or less cleared, maybe only 25% left now to clear.
Today's weather is really hot and stuffy. I was sneezing so much after we left the apartment due to the dust. My aunty and me went to saloon to get our hair wash.
Then, my aunty started to prepare herself for wedding dinner while me and bro were going to a birthday party. It was my uncle's friend's son 1st birthday party. The food was not too great. Me and my bro were disappointed with the roasted lamb which the meat texture was rather funny. We didn't ate much and I left home while my bro headed to church for some gathering.
I'm now sitting in front of the tv for olympic highlight and also surfing...
This is my Saturday... not too much but rather tired and got bit headache..
As usual, I was working half day. Was bit annoyed by the "little monster". He was so lazy and refused to do his homework properly. Was about to smack him hard hard. Luckily my aunty came to rescue me from being violent. Little monster got lectured by aunty and uncle for hours. I believed his mum is lecturing him now too... hehe...
Prepared hearty lunch after work. Cooked some gon lau mien, fried sausages and also dory fillet. yummy yummy... :P
We all then went to my apartment to collect the baby cot, baby stroller, baby car seat and some clothes which I need to sort out before donating them out. Got no idea how those people spending their money. The previous owner ran away leaving his baby's things in the apartment for me. I still got quite a bit of "rubbish" to clear out. sigh.... not to mention bout the rest...that idiot left over more than 10 pairs of shoes for me to think and find way to donate out. Anyway, the apartment is more or less cleared, maybe only 25% left now to clear.
Today's weather is really hot and stuffy. I was sneezing so much after we left the apartment due to the dust. My aunty and me went to saloon to get our hair wash.
Then, my aunty started to prepare herself for wedding dinner while me and bro were going to a birthday party. It was my uncle's friend's son 1st birthday party. The food was not too great. Me and my bro were disappointed with the roasted lamb which the meat texture was rather funny. We didn't ate much and I left home while my bro headed to church for some gathering.
I'm now sitting in front of the tv for olympic highlight and also surfing...
This is my Saturday... not too much but rather tired and got bit headache..
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
My New Apartment (BEFORE)
06.08.08 I have officially bought one unit of apartment. Not meant for myself to stay (I got very good room and furniture in my parents' home), but actually for investment purpose.
Got it through auction. Not really too cheap but at market value. The previous owner had run away with his family and left over his personal stuffs and furniture in the apartment. He left me with lots to clean up once I got my loan done. I'm hoping that he won't come back to "disturb" me... hehe...
Anyway, not only cleaning up, I also need to get workers to do painting for the whole house, servicing of two air-cons, bits and pieces too......
Here are some photos of my apartment BEFORE cleaning and painting...
Living Room
1st Room
Dining Area + Kitchen
Toilet + 2nd Room
Will post more photos once I have "groomed" up the whole apartment.... :P
Got lots more to do... haiiiiya...
Anyway, not only cleaning up, I also need to get workers to do painting for the whole house, servicing of two air-cons, bits and pieces too......
Here are some photos of my apartment BEFORE cleaning and painting...
Living Room
1st Room
Dining Area + Kitchen
Toilet + 2nd Room
Will post more photos once I have "groomed" up the whole apartment.... :P
Got lots more to do... haiiiiya...
Me...
I have not been blogged for some time... not really in the good mood and also been ill recently.
Guess I need to admit that I'm growing older now. Been having sore throat and fever about 1 month ago. Recovered for 2 weeks then my illness back again. The illness lasted again for about 2 weeks. Already taken 2 courses of 5 days antibiotic which I was reluctant to at first, however no choice as my sore throat really turned bad. Been really careful of the food and amount of fluids I was taking. Just to make sure my illness won't be back for the 3rd time.
Soon not too long after my recovery, I got my period, a really heavy-flow one. I felt so weak and cramp that I need to skip my Sunday prayer last minute. I ended up lying on bed/sofa watching olympic sport programs, drama series and sleeping whole day. In the same time, my uncle's house was undergoing some renovation work, changing all the toilet outlets. Though minor renovation, the whole house still covered in dustssss (which I hate most). I myself felt so weak that I was so helpless to help. I helped with some floor mopping at the end anyway.
At night, so I was off to take away some food from Diamond Restaurant. I called them to order the food and they told me to collect after half an hour. Hence, I made use of that half an hour to buy some stuffs from supermarket and bread from bakery.
When I got to the restaurant, it was so crowded and a lot of people queuing also same time for their take-away food. My food was not prepared yet!!! Hence, I waited there standing for almost half an hour. Only my bro's fried noodle was ready, mine still not yet. I started feeling dizzy and felt shaky. My mind was blank and I felt like falling down anytime. I felt so stuffy and couldn't breath as it was so crowded. I told them that I couldn't wait any longer and would just take my bro's food. The waitress didn't even bother me at all. I was hoping so much that I won't fall down there.
Finally, I got my food. I felt time was so so long while walking to the car and wondering how I could drive back home safely. I rested few minutes in the car and prayed to God. Thanks God that I got home safely.
Oh God... when did I turn to be so weak? I thought I would be better after a night rest. I felt dizzy again today but it wasn't as worst as Sunday night. I'm hoping I'm weak just because of my period.
Dear God, please give me health... I have had lost my love and confidence on guys after my relationship with J. I want to live healthy and happily. I need strength... Please God!!! Amen...
Soon not too long after my recovery, I got my period, a really heavy-flow one. I felt so weak and cramp that I need to skip my Sunday prayer last minute. I ended up lying on bed/sofa watching olympic sport programs, drama series and sleeping whole day. In the same time, my uncle's house was undergoing some renovation work, changing all the toilet outlets. Though minor renovation, the whole house still covered in dustssss (which I hate most). I myself felt so weak that I was so helpless to help. I helped with some floor mopping at the end anyway.
At night, so I was off to take away some food from Diamond Restaurant. I called them to order the food and they told me to collect after half an hour. Hence, I made use of that half an hour to buy some stuffs from supermarket and bread from bakery.
When I got to the restaurant, it was so crowded and a lot of people queuing also same time for their take-away food. My food was not prepared yet!!! Hence, I waited there standing for almost half an hour. Only my bro's fried noodle was ready, mine still not yet. I started feeling dizzy and felt shaky. My mind was blank and I felt like falling down anytime. I felt so stuffy and couldn't breath as it was so crowded. I told them that I couldn't wait any longer and would just take my bro's food. The waitress didn't even bother me at all. I was hoping so much that I won't fall down there.
Finally, I got my food. I felt time was so so long while walking to the car and wondering how I could drive back home safely. I rested few minutes in the car and prayed to God. Thanks God that I got home safely.
Oh God... when did I turn to be so weak? I thought I would be better after a night rest. I felt dizzy again today but it wasn't as worst as Sunday night. I'm hoping I'm weak just because of my period.
Dear God, please give me health... I have had lost my love and confidence on guys after my relationship with J. I want to live healthy and happily. I need strength... Please God!!! Amen...
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