Finally...

Finally, the day comes.

Received a text from J that he would be calling me today. So, meaning I would telling him to break too.

Funny... he just thought that his mail could explain everything and that's the end of it. I'm really angry and pissed off with him. Don't he need to tell me "officially"????? What kind of world is this????? Break up can be "done" in such a simple way till no official wordings???

OMG... I was thinking myself so much since morning. I really couldn't trust any guysss.... not even myself... I couldn't trust my own feeling. My feeling is totally wrong as proven by this relationship. I could feel he loved me, but actually NOT. SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No more... No more... No more.... Thanks for all the shits....

Wedding Stuffs / Accessories

Just to share some nice wedding stuffs and accessories that Aunty Lilian has bought for her son - Simon's wedding next year February.

Pillow for Wedding Rings
& Guest Book

27-Sep-08 = Independent Day?????

27-Sep-08

* Supposed to be our 3yr and 1mth anniversary.
* Supposed to be celebrating happily though we may actually celebrating remotely.
* Supposed to be a happy day for me.
* Supposed to feel blissful.

Ended up to be : -
~ my Independent day. I have declared SINGLE in my facebook. yea, finally. Finally I came out with courage to change my marital status. Though I felt sad, I still need to move on. I still need to face the truth that our relationship has ended.
~ celebrating NOTHING today but to live on as usual.
~ definitely NOT a happy day for me. Woke up with a swingy mood. Now, working in a zombie mode. Typing this blog with a heartache mode.
~ no more blissful day for me. Anyway, I still got my family and friends with me, by my side supporting me all the time.

Conclusion: Life still need to go on. Yea~~~ Be strong and happy!!!

I Hate Myself...

I hate myself so so so much...

I hate it when I cry for him...

I hate it when I feel upset and hurt... I felt upset even just listening to Because of You and I Will Always Love You... I cried just now when I listened to Because of You... The song has got all my feeling there. While the latter LOVE song... reminded me J whispered this song to my ear on our 1st Valentine's day. OMG... all these moments are still so damn fresh in my mind...

I hate it when I think of him...

I hate it when I miss him... when I need him by my side... coz I know all these will never happen anymore...

I hate it MOST when the more I push myself to forget this guy... the harder I push... I felt like bursting!!!!!! Because... I still love him...

Oh God, please help me what should I do?????? I want to get him out of life completely... I don't want to get upset anymore. I felt sorry for those ppl who care of me esp my parents... Oh God. I need help...

Today is Friday...

YEAAAHHHH~~~~ so looking forward to Friday... :P

Time to enjoy my drama...

Time to enjoy weekend...

hehe...

Anyway, I have had not-too-bad week. At least my mood is more manageable, not as bad as previous week. Yea... of course la... got myself a laptop Pet Shop bag... Also, a Pet Shop sling bag for my HK and Manila trip... and got a FREE yam cha Pet Shop bag from my aunty (as she got herself another nicer one)... AND also, two tube bras, which means I don't need to wear those uncomfortable tube / singlet for those low cut shirts. How can I not happy when I has already spent so much in a week time....

Is it true?

Yesterday, I was chit-chatting with P bout relationship. She is getting married with her bf next yr September. They have been together for few years and for the recent one or two years, they are on long distance but they meet very often. After they got married, her husband will be moving here to join her. Congratulations gal! You have found your one...

Seriously, I'm envy ok? hehe...

Hmmm... she told me something that I never thought about. She felt that me and J are not suit to each other, in the sense that we have different character. Hmmm... When we were together, I never thought of this as we were so happily together. Now... I also dunno whether it's true or not... already too hurt to think bout it....

Anyway, doesn't really matter anymore... I'm let going everything... I know God will bless me all the time...

Friends????

Another post about TRUE and FAKE friends...

We had a small gathering at Yoyo Lintas last night. As usual, a close friend of mine was asking again when are J and me getting married. Out of my own surprise, I told her straight that we have broke up. She was like "HUH" OOOO with her mouth widely opened. We talked bout it bit and she consoled me not to get too sad and live on. She said she knows I'm happy and optimistic girl.

Then, I was thinking myself again. How come I could tell her so truthful while I couldn't tell another friend as truthful as how I treat my other close and best friends. The only reason is she is so "fake" that I feel not secure and definitely not great of telling her my stuffs, of course another main reason is also because she has given me hell lots of headache and trouble.

Was discussing bout this with Jean this am. She agreed. She also felt that that girl just talking and behaving so strange and "fake".

Funny, in a relationship of less than a yr with J's bro, already talking bout marriage????? hehe.... this is FAITH ya...

Finally....

Finally....

Our week has settled down and back to silent...

All of us have been really super busy since early of the week Monday.

Monday ~ Pastor Kwok arrived at KK at 6.15pm. We picked him up from airport. Then, proceed to seafood restaurant for dinner which was treated by him. After dinner, we spent some time chit-chat with him in his hotel room. Then, we called the night off.

Tuesday ~ Public holiday. We all woke up early and had buffet breakfast with Pastor Kwok and Dorothy in Cafe Boleh. The food was yummy. Then, we proceed for shopping in 1 Borneo. Rested bit at home before dinner. Then, dinner at Welcome Restaurant and tea at San Francisco Warisan Square. Pastor watched some TV programs at uncle's house before they sent him back to hotel. Same day, our KL friend also arrived at KK.

Wednesday ~ Buffet breakfast with my aunty. Back to work. Busy... Then off to gym and sauna at 4.30pm. Quick dinner then went to church for bible session by Pas. Kwok. Had some leong cha then home for drama.

Thursday ~ Work. Busy again with bits and pieces... Then off to gym and sauna at 4.30pm. Tapao and simple dinner at home. Headed to church for bible session by Pas Kwok. Then, supper at seafood restaurant. We had yummy LOBSTER!!! (about2.4kg = RM451!!!) crabs... Indo style prawns... WOW... fabulous supper!!! SINFULLY GOOD. After supper, we helped Pas Kwok to pack his luggage in his hotel room. Got home around 1am. Was already super exhausted by then.

Friday ~ Woke up at 6.55am! Steamed 2 'Malay' chicken for Pas Kwok. Breakfast at Hilltop, had nice fish meehon soup. Next, we all headed to airport. 1st,check-in and Pas was so lucky to check all his 29.8kg luggage in without paying extra baggage. 2nd, walked around the new KK Airport. 3rd, had cup of coffee. 4th, Pas Kwok went into departure hall. (Sigh... made me think off J as I used to send J off at airport and ended up crying a lot. Haiii... how to stop myself of thinking of this guy???????) Back to office and worked. Sent KL friend off to Terminal 2 Airport for his flight back to KL. Uneasy le sending 2 ppl off in one day time, I mean emotionally uneasy. Did cleaning work for office. Dinner and went to church for some singing practice. We all were already 3/4 dead and luckily survived till home safely. Wow... busy Fri.

Sat ~ Now, I'm trying to clear up all my outstanding works which already piled up on my desk. sigh... need to relax myself later... going for facial later....

Tata...

17-Sep-08

What a day started with raining since early morning 6am. My mood is just as down as the weather. No sunshine, all with the coldness and sadness.

Haiii... Clarice, stop thinking what you are thinking now. Stop hurting yourself with someone that doesn't love you anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Super Busy Holiday...

Yeah... I had a super busy holiday yesterday...

Woke up as usual at 7am+. We all joined breakfast at Pan Pac with our beloved HK friend a.k.a Pastor Kwok. We took our sweet time eating and chit-chatting till 10.30am. I was almost burst by then. Had eaten too much, but how to resist. The food was just too yummy and tempting to say no.

Then, we headed to 1 Borneo for shopping session. We spent most of the time in Giant supermarket and Speedy shop. Pastor bought lots of souvenirs to be given away to his friends in HK. I bought 2 musical movies ~ The Sound of Music and The FairLady. I have watched The Sound of Music musical movie in London last year May. It was really great and I just couldn't resist to get the DVDs for my own collection. Hai... and of course it was my happiest time in my life when I watched the musical movie with J in London. How to forget ???? How to let go ???? As for The Fair Lady, it was highly recommended by my aunty and Pastor Dorothy. So, I bought it as well. Will watch them soon...

We had simple lunch at Jaws restaurant. The food was just so so. I didn't ate much as I was still full from the buffet breakfast. Another church friend and his family joined us for the lunch. We proceed with our shopping session to DAISO... yea... everyone's favourite RM5 shop. Needless to say, everyone spent in the shop except Pastor Dorothy who was waiting for us outside. I quickly grabbed what I wanted and joined Pastor to relax. It was just too crowded inside the shop.

I managed to get myself two nail colours too from The Skin Food.

Hmmm... We sent Pastor Dorothy back to her home as she need to get ready herself to attend a wedding dinner while Pastor Kwok back to hotel for his dose of swimming session. We all relaxed at home for bit. I managed to catch up with my HK drama series. hehe...

After we took our shower, we picked up Pastor Kwok and our KL friend Adenan for dinner at Welcome Restaurant. Me and my aunty ate so little as we really felt so sick of food. I felt like I had gained few kgs in a day time. The restaurant was too crowded with guests that we waited for so long just for our drink and rice. The food was not as good as usual too. We ended up tapao leftover crabs back home.

We wanted to bring Pastor Kwok to Tang's Department Store in Merdeka for some shopping but it was closed. We went for some tea instead at San Francisco in Warisan Square. Next, we came back to my office as Pastor need to use my pc for check his email and I helped him to print some notes for tonight bible reading session.

My uncle, aunty and Pastor watched some TV while I watched my drama series... hehe... then I called the night off. I was already so so so tired and exhausted by then.

It was a great holiday with not only great food-abuse-sessions, also all the catching up moments with everyone. I was great to get myself totally occupied before I started to think/dream unnecessary stuffs.

All BECAUSE OF YOU...

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Old old old...

Monday night... I was awake by severe pain on my both arms and also my tummy. The pain on my tummy could be due to my soon coming period. However, the killing one was my arms.

It was so painful that I couldn't sleep. Been rolling and flipping on my bed. Survived till morning and asked for bone pain killer from mum. Haiii...

After the pain killer, my left arm turned better but my right arm was still painful and energyless. Couldn't lift heavy stuffs with it. I still could bear with it. I was praying hard it won't get painful at night so that I could catch up with my sleep.

Tue night... pain again but not as bad as Mon night and I was cuddling my warm water bag to sleep... could still sleep although my sleep was interrupted by my bro's coughing.

This am... pain is still there. I am doing office cleaning now. Quite tiring as I could only carry the hoover with my left hand. Need to do some mopping later.

Fake Friends

Hmmm... I think it's difficult to get a friend that is actually treating from his/her heart.

Just when me and J got problem, a friend of mine invited me out for movie with her bunch of friends. She is apparently J's bro gf, also my secondary school friend. So, I joined and of course not too comfortable as I didn't know her friends.

They invited me for the next day day trip for lunch and also sunset which I missed it out as I got something urgent at the last minute. From then onwards, she did not call me out anymore.

Then, few weeks after, I was asking her whether their movie Sat was over as I knew they were going out for movie every Sat. She said blamed it on Ja la coz his car was broke down bla bla bla...

Hehe... Hey gal, I'm not that stupid la.... I know what kind of ppl u r. U have been digging my privacy everywhere thru my close and best friends. Just becoz u r J's bro gf????? go away from me... U have been gossiping around bout my stuffs. U have been eyeing on J when he was in our class gathering. All of these I knew OK???????????

I did feel bit guilty for avoiding her for what she has done and thought she was really want to be friend with me. Hehe... now???????????? And some more, she is Christian.... opppssss.....

30-Aug-08

Back-dated post...

Hmmm... What had I done on this day??? I really had short memory these days.

I was really busy on Saturday. Was spending whole morning doing cleaning work for my office, washing and bits and pieces. The weather was so hot recently and I really sweated out after all the work-out. Good exercise for me. haha...

I wanted to get some skincare for myself after that since the only departmental store Ngui Kee selling Biotherm was having great promotion. Every RM80 I could get a reduction RM10. Who knows when we were going out to get my skincare, it rained heavily. I was half wet by then when I reached the departmental store. At the end, I spent RM542 less RM60 reducion = RM482 for 4 skincare items = Moisturiser, serum, exfoliating gel and also a makeup base 25+ spf sunblock.

Then, we and my aunty went for hair wash as we were attending a church member's 23rd wedding anniversary dinner at Hyatt Hotel on Sunday night. It would be too rush for us to get our hair wash in saloon on Sunday.

Evening time, we went to 1 Borneo for some shopping. We spent 3 hrs in Daiso shop which is selling all RM5 items. We bought a lot as well. haha... worth purchase.

I also got 4 tickets for Gary Chow countdown night at 1 Borneo, as I am a member for platinum club. Anyway, we did not make use of that tickets. Not in the mood to stay there till too late.

I ended my night around 12.15am. Could only sleep after all the fire works were finished. And of course, I was really been bothered whole day. Kept checking my phone as someone suggested we should speak during weekend. So, I was expecting his call. Haiiiii.... disappointed at the end....

Anyway, I still had a great Saturday.

Dayyyssss without maid

Still not too bad... just that I was getting busier than usual... need to spare time to do washing, collecting clothes back, preparing and cooking lunch, then dish washing, etc etc.

Anyway, things are manageable without maid, as long as we keep things simple. :=)

I'm wondering how's our life will be when the baby girl comes in middle of this month. We all are expecting her to come. She is arranged by our panel lawyer, whose husband is working in hospital and holding high position. The only problem that may refrain and delay the process of baby coming in would be due to the social workers. Till now, they have not approached the baby's actual mum yet for the rest of the procedures.

Guess we will be in a MESS.. haha... we will see...